Over-sensitized today. This could be good for you. There are several forms of paranoia that work for me today.1. I am a subject of observation, and the rest of you are in on the secret. A more general variant of Truman Show Syndrome, because I can't really assert who the observers are, I only know that this is all a sham.
2. The various headaches, annoyances, and interruptions that always plague me are particularly bad today, and at this point are a clear sign that the world is either a)meaningless or b)malevolent.
3. The knowledge that tonight or sometime in which I'm not conscious, adjustments will be made to my brain and I'll come out of this funk with a dumb grin and again putty in the hands of whoever is manipulating me.
4. The realization that whether or not 1) or 2) are anything but hallucinations, the outcome expressed in 3)will almost certainly happen, pointing to the fact that something is going on, regardless of how I may feel about it tomorrow.
Of course, I also have several motives for believing such absurdities, in fact could come up with new ones on the spot. It remains, however, that these shifts in perception and significance, whether random chemical imbalances or careful manipulations, have been with me for some time. Of course, Mondays can be particularly bad.
My favorite justification for these paranoic thoughts is that some form of mental illness would lessen my personal blame for all the unbearable tragedy and injustice that I'm seeing in the world more and more these days. Add to this the fact that I'm my own best friend and feel like I have to hide behind a ridiculous pseudonym (actually I have several, for various personalities) and you have some idea of what I'm putting up with.
If you really think that I'm indulging in sympathy, let me remind you that mathematically 0% of blogs are visited by others and therefore I'm mainly typing this here because my computer's hard drive doesn't have room for such drivel.
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